*If you haven't read "Froggy went a-courtin'" then I would suggest you read that one first but completely up to you*
So this blog is allllll about the concept of friends with benefits(FWB). There was just a movie made about it that some may say glamourizes the idea of just being fuck buddies (sorry if my language offends you....well I'm not that sorry but whatever) but it will actually slightly support my side of it.
I used to be all for the idea of FWB until I realized that it was just objectifying both parties. Some people, especially those of the male gender, don't seem to understand that. But think of it this way: just hooking up with someone is making them something for you to use to bring pleasure to yourself. Even if both parties are ok with that its still making the other person an object only useful for sexual purposes. Because I am not ashamed of what I've don't I'll use myself as an example, but first. In that movie with Aston Kutcher and Natalie Portman (?) they want to be FWB but end up falling in love with each other, pretty typical movie plot line. But, the true thing about the story that I like was that they showed that no matter how much you try you CANNOT TAKE THE FEELINGS OUT OF SEX. No matter how much you try sex cannot be just sex there are always going to be pre, during, and post feelings no matter how much you try to suppress them.
So one of my stories. (don't worry I'm not using really names I would hate for someone to get called out for their bull shit (actually I would like to call them out but that would bring more unnecessary conflict to my life). So recently I have had many offers for FWBs which isn't that unusual but I have found myself in several situations where me and a guy weren't on the same page on the nature of our relationship. One imparticular that I am still trippin on and will probably be kicking myself for a while about is I fools around and got intimate with someone (we'll call him Tin Man)that I've know for the majority of my life. So what had happened was.......we kinda took our relationship from "hey I know your name"---> aquaintences--> friends---> maybe we should be more than friends--> FWB within a year. That sound relativly healthy in theory, but I was under the impression that there would be one more progression from FWB--> an actual relationship. I really like Tin Man and still do I think he could possibly be a soul mate, but I may never know because it was "just a one time thing" as he said. The bad part is no matter how hard I try to suppress my feeling they will come up when I see him at church ( so those of you that know me that well can filter through and maybe have an idea about who I'm talking about [if you have an idea send me a message and tell me I'd like to see who you think it is]). But yeah one of many examples that sex is not just sex.
For some reason its hard to find guys these days that are looking for more than a FWB and when you do there's an issue; he doesn't like you, your not attracted to him, your polar opposites, you have nothing in common, ect. So if you've got a good man or a good lady keep them cause its super hard to find good ones!
As I was writing this blog I was listening to one of my favorite artists Ms. Jill Scott and I heard her songs "Celibacy Blues" and "Wanna be Love"(go get them they're awesome!). These songs brings me comfort when I think about some of the situations I've put myself in. In "Wanna be loved" she says " Don't feel no pitty for me cause I'm going through some thangs" and that's what I wanna say to ya'll. Just cause your life isn't that great don't go looking for pitty from others (especially not from me cause you'll find mine in the dictionary). She also says "All my life I had a constant burning, A strong deep,desire, An aching ambiguous,yearning, For something better, For something bigger, For something wider, For something higher, And lots of regrets,
Cause I ain't seem to found it yet......I just wanna be loved" And that kinda sums up me right about now.
Although I can go on and on and on about situations like the one 3 paragraphs up I won't. My point is that FWBs are not healthy. If you want to have sex that badly then take a cold shower or find another "alternative" or , here's a radical idea, find a significant other that you get to know and like and then progress to the point in a relationship where physical intimacy is appropriate for the 2 of you. I'm not promoting premarital sex nor am I judging those of us that do it I'm simply just trying to inform other of the mental consequences of FWBs. Like the title says you may be left wanting.
And to Tin Man if your reading this, which you probably won't but anywho, hopefully you understand what I've been feeling over the last year or so and will want to talk about it.
-Deuces, Musically T
Preach gurl. ;)
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