Freedom!

So I've decided to go natural.
For all of you that don't know what that means here's a simple explanation. Most black women get a "relaxer" which is a chemical that permanently straightens our hair. To go natural is to not chemically straighten your hair and just let it grow, and usually it grows "nappy" or curly.

So I'm sure your big question is "Ok? so why is this a big deal?" Excellent question. The deal with going natural is if you didn't do this from birth and go the relaxed route then decide to go natural, like myself, you have to get rid of the "relaxed" hair and start over. So that's right you have to cut it all off. Now there are several other options, braids (which I did for most of the summer), twists, weave, and other things to smoothen the transition so you don't have to rock a mini for for a while.

Well I made the decision to do the "big cut" today.

I feel so......happy, liberated, free.
I don't know what it is but just getting that hair off my head was like a big weight lifted off my shoulder.

I will be getting weave done in the next 5 days just for convenience until my fro grows out a bit more. But stay tuned. I"ll try to post pics here and on my facebook www.facebook.com/musicallytina every few months of my new lifestyle, that natural beauty :)

Just an update on my life

Hello my blog followers,
If this is the first of my blogs you're reading congrats! Your life was just made better....just kidding but I do appreciate all who read this and are interested in me and what I have to say/do.

So this paragraph will mostly be a preface to the blog.
My senior year in high school I decided I wanted to become a hilltopper and attend St. Edward's University in Austin as a musical theater major. After a semester there I decided I didn't like the program and a few other personal things (which may or may not be explained later in the blog......guess you'll have to keep reading :p) so I decided to come back to Houston and attend Houston Baptist University as a Vocal Performance Major.

Ok so now that that's been stated I can get to the more recent events. My closer friends know that over the last year I've been struggling in my personal life. I've been searching for myself and a place to fit in and it's been tough. I loved the friends that I made while attending St. Edwards (though they should SEND THEIR FRIEND A TEXT OR SOMETHING NOW AND THEN), but having a few friends and being in a program that you feel isn't tailored to your needs is a bit silly to me. Now because I recognize that I was a stupid teenager (and have a few stupid tendencies though not as many) I can admit this, I also left Austin for a stupid teenage reason....a "man". My primary reason was the program but there was a good 10% of me that came back for him. I know now that was one of the stupidst things I could have done because I've spent a year somewhere that I was not entirely happy.

Having said that , HBU is a great school.....just not for me. I'm too much of an independent person to be in such a conservative setting. And I thought the classical training would be enough to launch me into the world of musical theater, but I soon found out that I'd dug myself into a hole that until recently I thought I'd be stuck in. As I said for St. Edwards, I've made some really awesome friends at HBU, but no one that really understood me and yet another program for me.

Over Christmas break of 2011, I realized that something needed to change in my life because I was just miserable in about 80% of my life. My academics were seriously suffering and my GPA was the lowest it has ever been. My social life was pretty non existant and that's not how I wanted to remember my college years, friendless and boring. So I began my search to transfer....yet again. After doing some hardcore research I decided on Sam Houston State University in the small ton of Huntsville TX. There was a part of me that was about 10% unsure about this decision wondering if this is what God wanted for me. So I thought I'd join my roommate for her usual Thursday bible study to see if maybe I could be more clear. After the first few week I did become more clear, but but not about college thing, more or less personal things which is still good...but more on that later.

still with me...cool...you're awesome!

So I began working on the audition process for their nationally renound Musical theater program. After a minor setback I became a little discourage giving in to some belief that God did not want me there. But I held my head up high determined to make it  work because this was something I wanted. Long story short, I overcame the set back and am now 190% sure that SHSU is the school for me. At the audition, I meet so many people who understood me and that made me really happy to know that once I'm there I won't have a problem fitting in at all.

This is the last paragraph I promise.
I must say I am the happiest I've been in a while knowing that I finally get to start over. Most people get to establish themselves and start over as a new person when they go to college. When I went to college I had a boyfriend I was attached to so I never got that experience at St. Edwards of going out with friends and stuff. I moved back to Houston with a boyfriend (for like a week) and no friends so I never really got a chance to start over because I never found a group that I fit in with, that I could be myself around. Though I do not regret going to HBU, I see it as a learning experience that I needed to go through. As far as what I learned in bible study, I realized that it was time to let go of the anger I was holding in towards someone for deceiving me and towards myself for being susceptible to such foolishness. So I would like to say to him even if he doesn't read this that I forgive him because I know that he didn't know any better and I'm sorry for being me and not conforming to who your mother thought I should be. At SHSU I'll finally get to start over no stupid boyfriend, no stupid program, and no insecurities about finding friends. I don't know if I"m in the musical theater program yet but at this point that not important. I LOVE their program, the activities, my apartment, everything.everything. If you're interested as to weather I get in or not just message me or something.

I'll close with saying thanks for reading and caring, I'm listening to 1950's love songs via the Time Life Teen Years Collection, and EAT 'EM UP BEARKATS!!!!

No creative title this time

So I'm just a bit frustrated so like most of my blog posts this will be a little bit of a rant.....whatever it makes me feel better and hopefully I'm saying things that other people are thinking but don't really want to say.

SO I noticed that there are a strangely high number of women are really dependent on men. I'm not saying that if you're in a relationship that you shouldn't depend on each there, but there should be some level of independence. I just fell like women need to realize our power and strength.

I'm also just frustrated in general, but then again when am I not. But some days are better than others. I just want some day when I don't end up crazy frustrated with the stupidity that surrounds me...and that once surrounded me.

Well I heard Jesus He drank wine......

Yeah so I often think of the Miranda Lambert song "Heart Like Mine" because (I'm sure alot of people say this) but its a pretty accurate description of me. The chorus says "Well I heard Jesus He drank wine and I'd bet we'd get along just fine. He could calm the storms and heal the blind and I'd bet he'd understand a heart like mine."
I know that I'm not the most likeable person and this is a message to all of those who are my "friend" on Facebook but you don't particularly care for me.
This is where I begin to slightly rant just fyi:
I consider myself to be pretty cultured when it comes to other Christian religions other than Catholicism. One thing about Christians in general that I've never been able to quite figure out is that some have a very skewed view of the world. People try to keep their children from the "evils" of this world and from people who are "a bad influence". If you ask me, which you didn't but who care, that's absolutely ludicrous! Living life like a horse with blinders is so uncultured and that's how we end up with stupid things like stereotypes. LIVE LIFE!!! Its OK to let your children explore the world. Now some uber Christian parent reading this may say, "Now Christina," (here's where I roll my eyes), "you don't have any children so how can you know this?" Excellent question!! I don't know this. Its just my philosophy on life and if you think I'm wrong congratulations you have just thought for yourself! Those same parent may also say, "Well the Bible says", (this is where I dramatically sigh), " that parents are to raise their children to be good Christians and live according to God's plan". My response: yes that may be true but the Bible doesn't say shelter your children that they are naive to the rest of the world.
I guess in a way I'm so tired of being judged by people who don't really know me and take the word of other people on my character rather than just taking the time to talk to me and get to know me. It has recently come to my attention that people call me, as they once called Socrates one of the greatest minds to ever lived, a bad influence for their children. To a certain extent I would agree with you. If you think that someone who tries to show kids that there's more than one way to look at the world bad then yeah I'm a terrible influence and I should be stoned.
To my most recent Socratic charge, my response: yup and I'm proud to show the world without a biblical filter. Yes I go to clubs, yes I can sometimes be rather lude. I AM ME. If you don't like it MOVE ALONG! If your kids like me then they're smart. LET OTHER PEOPLE MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS!!!
Because I'm a nice person I won't mention names but I'm just fed up with being judged by people who "claim" to not judge others....lest ye be judged right?
I may be a "heathen" by some people's standards, but I love the Lord. I know how to pray. I am by no means passing judgement on a specific religion or sect of religion, I am simply stating observations that I have experienced. And if you happen to be reading this and think this pertains to you then feel free to express your feelings OF me TO me and not let me have to hear it through the grapevines. :)
And I started with Miranda so I'll end with Miranda. In the same song I mentioned in the beginning she say, "I fly away from it all today" and that's what I plan to do as well <3

Froggy Went A-courtin'...and Was Left Wanting........

*If you haven't read "Froggy went a-courtin'" then I would suggest you read that one first but completely up to you*

So this blog is allllll about the concept of friends with benefits(FWB). There was just a movie made about it that some may say glamourizes the idea of just being fuck buddies (sorry if my language offends you....well I'm not that sorry but whatever) but it will actually slightly support my side of it.

I used to be all for the idea of FWB until I realized that it was just objectifying both parties. Some people, especially those of the male gender, don't seem to understand that. But think of it this way: just hooking up with someone is making them something for you to use to bring pleasure to yourself. Even if both parties are ok with that its still making the other person an object only useful for sexual purposes. Because I am not ashamed of what I've don't I'll use myself as an example, but first. In that movie with Aston Kutcher and Natalie Portman (?) they want to be FWB but end up falling in love with each other, pretty typical movie plot line. But, the true thing about the story that I like was that they showed that no matter how much you try you CANNOT TAKE THE FEELINGS OUT OF SEX. No matter how much you try sex cannot be just sex there are always going to be pre, during, and post feelings no matter how much you try to suppress them.

So one of my stories. (don't worry I'm not using really names I would hate for someone to get called out for their bull shit (actually I would like to call them out but that would bring more unnecessary conflict to my life). So recently I have had many offers for FWBs which isn't that unusual but I have found myself in several situations where me and a guy weren't on the same page on the nature of our relationship. One imparticular that I am still trippin on and will probably be kicking myself for a while about is I fools around and got intimate with someone (we'll call him Tin Man)that I've know for the majority of my life. So what had happened was.......we kinda took our relationship from "hey I know your name"---> aquaintences--> friends---> maybe we should be more than friends--> FWB within a year. That sound relativly healthy in theory, but I was under the impression that there would be one more progression from FWB--> an actual relationship. I really like Tin Man and still do I think he could possibly be a soul mate, but I may never know because it was "just a one time thing" as he said. The bad part is no matter how hard I try to suppress my feeling they will come up when I see him at church ( so those of you that know me that well can filter through and maybe have an idea about who I'm talking about [if you have an idea send me a message and tell me I'd like to see who you think it is]). But yeah one of many examples that sex is not just sex.

For some reason its hard to find guys these days that are looking for more than a FWB and when you do there's an issue; he doesn't like you, your not attracted to him, your polar opposites, you have nothing in common, ect. So if you've got a good man or a good lady keep them cause its super hard to find good ones!

As I was writing this blog I was listening to one of my favorite artists Ms. Jill Scott and I heard her songs "Celibacy Blues" and "Wanna be Love"(go get them they're awesome!). These songs brings me comfort when I think about some of the situations I've put myself in. In "Wanna be loved" she says " Don't feel no pitty for me cause I'm going through some thangs" and that's what I wanna say to ya'll. Just cause your life isn't that great don't go looking for pitty from others (especially not from me cause you'll find mine in the dictionary). She also says "All my life I had a constant burning, A strong deep,desire, An aching ambiguous,yearning, For something better, For something bigger, For something wider, For something higher, And lots of regrets,
Cause I ain't seem to found it yet......I just wanna be loved" And that kinda sums up me right about now.

Although I can go on and on and on about situations like the one 3 paragraphs up I won't. My point is that FWBs are not healthy. If you want to have sex that badly then take a cold shower or find another "alternative" or , here's a radical idea, find a significant other that you get to know and like and then progress to the point in a relationship where physical intimacy is appropriate for the 2 of you. I'm not promoting premarital sex nor am I judging those of us that do it I'm simply just trying to inform other of the mental consequences of FWBs. Like the title says you may be left wanting.

And to Tin Man if your reading this, which you probably won't but anywho, hopefully you understand what I've been feeling over the last year or so and will want to talk about it.
-Deuces, Musically T

Froggy went a-courtin'

Sup blog-followers
So recently I've been thinking about "dating" in our society.  I"m not sure if you've heard the song Froggy went a-courtin'...if not look it up its a little nursery rhyme of sort. but that's where I got the title from just fyi.

Remember back in the day when dating was going out on a date......those were the good old days. Now I've noticed more and more people are skipping the "courting" phase of the dating process and going straight into the "going together", going steady, in a relationship part.
I have no problem with monogamy if that's what you're getting to. I am actually a supporter of it (I'll get to that later). But now it seems that in our society teens, and some kids, get way too serious way too fast. For example, I know several people that are in high school that have met someone and within a few days was "dating" them. Now I'm not a hypocrite so I will go ahead and admit that I was guilty of this crime in my younger days, but now I know better.

Back to my topic...lol dating and the confusion in society. I have been single for aprox. 3 months and have changed my view on it completely. I have decided to go back to the old school style and court a few guys and then decipher who it is I feel the most compatable with. Some people say that what I'm doing is unfair and cheating and being a player, pimpette, hoebag, but my response is that I am not monogamous so therefore I can do as I please. I just wanted to make this suggestion to all those out there that are single: don't tie yourself down so quickly especially ladies. Test the waters out and then become monogamous.

*Look out for a follow up blog on my take of friends with benefits coming up within the hour entitled "Froggy Went A-Courtin'....and Was Found Wanting...."

Fuck you!!! (oo ooo oooo) Gas Station Bitch!

So I've been jamming to Cee Lo Green's Fuck you lately and I just want to send a special message out to alllllll my hatters 2 in particular.... I see you driving round town with this bitch you fuck and I'm like Fuck you and your gas station hoe too!!! Peace Out :)